Student Samples: Nonfiction Narrative Writing with Descriptive Language One element to focus on when writing a nonfiction narrative is including descriptive language. You should try to use precise words, descriptive details, and sensory language that show what settings are people are like and allow your readers to visualize what is taking place in your story in their minds.
Here are few excerpts of descriptive writing from the nonfiction narratives of students in our classes:
It was a typical, not sunny, not warm, just right kind of day. I was trying to get my pillow, which was a little bit in a country design, and pink with a yellow newborn chick on it with my date and time of birth on it.
“Nooooooo!” I screamed from the hallway. I heard “I'm sorry” from the door, then I heard the door close, and then I heard silence and nothing else and I tasted something bitter. Something I never tasted before that fateful day.
I waited and waited but still no luck. I started to wonder if there were any fish in the ocean today. But then my older brother got a tug, so with excitement I went with my fishing rod and ran to my older brother. I helped my brother to reel it in. Once we reeled it in, we saw what it was. A giant crab.
We were having a campfire in the front yard and I could see the red and orange flames rising and rising, as they get larger. I felt warm and excited.
I had just remembered that I didn't know how to push myself on the swing. So I yelled to my sister to come and push me. Then she pushed me high in the air and I felt the breeze passing through my hair. But when I would come back down I felt like I was falling and I would never go back up. But then she pushed me again up high, over and over. One time she pushed me so high I felt like I was way past the clouds.
"Bye, I love you," I say to my parents. I slam the blue car door. I discover so many people in my sight so nervous. I discover one of my friends, so I walk over but stop at the large gate and discover a dandelion growing in between a crack. I pick it and whisper, "Please let these years be great and don’t let me get distracted by other things around me. Let me get the grades I want." Then I gently blow.
I felt the sunny breeze passing by my face while I was walking home from school. When I got home my sister let our family dog in our house. I chuckled while she let her in.
It was a hot day in Tamasopo, Mexico. I planed to be in the pool all day to escape the scorching heat. I got all my equipment for swimming which was only some shorts. I got to the pool with my feet boiling from the hot tile. I jumped in the pool. The water was refreshing.
It all began on a cloudy warm overcast morning. I was packing my stuff to go to my grandma's house in San Jose. My mom, my three sisters, and I got in my dad's old Honda minivan. While my sisters were raging for the tablet in the backseat, I heard the movement of the suitcases as they are thudding in the back.
The next day I remained homesick. I felt dizzy and bored and then all of a sudden my head hurt more, and I felt like my head was spinning in circles and that I had a really bad fever.
The last thing I saw was the faces of my brothers and the screams from my parents. Everything was fading until it was pitch black. My parents sped all the way to the hospital. My eyes finally opened, and I saw a bright light. I was in the emergency room. I looked across and I saw four doctors.